This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Brahmavihara: The Beautiful Qualities of the Heart (1 of 5). It likely contains inaccuracies.
The following talk was given by Rachel Lewis at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, California. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.
I’m very grateful to the Sati Center for issuing this invitation, and I’m really inspired by the fact that everything here is offered on a Dana1 basis. We’re entering into a relationship of mutual support where the folks behind the scenes at the Sati Center are donating their time because they want to make Dharma events more widely available. There’s no registration fee to participate in this, and you get a chance to support the Sati Center and my continued teaching if that’s something that feels meaningful to you. We’re entering into a microcosm of the mutually supportive relationships that have always sustained the teaching of the Dharma.
One of the things that I like best about sitting in the teacher seat in Dharma settings is getting to respond to people’s questions. I’d really like to invite you to use the chat function to bring up questions whenever they arise. I may not respond to them immediately, but I may weave it into what I say later on, and we’ll have some dedicated time for questions towards the end when you can come off mute and speak into the group.
People have many reasons for coming to a class like this. Some may want the sense of connecting with other practitioners, even in this remote format. It’s actually kind of a thrill to know that there are potentially people from all around the world joining together. Sometimes people are just interested in sustaining their practice more broadly or are curious about the topic, wanting to learn about the Brahma Viharas2 or about Buddhism more broadly. This is a time of year when people are looking to reinvigorate their meditation practice, so a structure like this can help.
This is also a time of year when having a way to highlight beautiful qualities of the heart, like kindness, feels pretty salient. When the external world is dark, it’s a good idea to do whatever you can to brighten the inner world. I don’t think I need to tell anybody that this is also a time in our collective lives where we need all the resourcing we can get. If you’ve looked at the news ever, you know what I’m talking about. Things are challenging right now, and so having all of the kindness and patience we can muster will really help us to stay steady as we turn towards the difficulties of our shared lives.
That feels important to me about meditation practice in general. This might have been Sharon Salzberg who said this: “We don’t meditate to get better at meditation; we meditate to get better at living.” That feels meaningful to me. We’re just trying to build some skills that are going to serve us as we come into our complicated lives.
So what are we talking about in this series? The topic is the Brahma Viharas. That’s a Pali word: Brahma means divine or heavenly, and vihara is an abode or a dwelling place. So, the heavenly abodes. I think of them as the best places to hang out. We’re making a happy home for the heart in these practices. We’re cultivating goodwill, friendliness, loving-kindness (Metta3), compassion, sympathetic or appreciative joy, and equanimity. We’re also going to be talking about how these qualities relate to each other.
These four qualities are the way that an awakened being would respond in a relational context. This is not separate from any other part of our meditation practice. Sometimes when we talk about Enlightenment or Awakening—the uprooting of greed, hatred, and delusion—people can get the idea that that’s a numbed-out way of being in the world. That’s the opposite of the truth. Joseph Goldstein quotes one of his teachers—I don’t remember who—saying, “Compassion is the activity of emptiness.” When you really get that there’s nothing here to cling on to, there’s nothing to obstruct the free flow of kindness, the desire of the heart to care and connect. As the rest of our practice unfolds, whatever form that takes, these qualities naturally come to the foreground more and more. We could think of cultivating the Brahma Viharas deliberately as being like rehearsing for enlightenment. Once greed, hatred, and delusion are no longer a problem, these qualities are just where we hang out.
We’re going to start with this quality of Goodwill. This is the heart that connects. It’s a basic willingness to see the humanity of other beings. Does it just seem to me, or is that in short supply these days? The moment two people get into disagreement, it almost feels like we’re more predisposed than ever to shut down to each other. This basic willingness to see each other as human feels so important. The basic orientation is towards connecting, opening, and valuing the happiness of others as well as our own.
There’s a story of an encounter between a student and the spiritual teacher Ramana Maharshi4. The student asked him, “How should we treat others?” And he said, “There are no others.” That’s the basic understanding that Metta holds. Even though we keep on talking about self and other so that our communications can be clear, there’s no distinction made between the well-being of oneself and the well-being of others.
The way that the Buddha often described positive qualities or states was in terms of the negation of negative qualities. So, Goodwill is not ill will. That might seem kind of obvious on the face of it, but if you really think about it, there’s actually a lot there. What he’s saying is once we’ve weeded the garden of our mind of the weeds of hostility, aggression, coldness, or disconnection, whatever grows then is probably something to do with Goodwill. It could just be peaceful coexistence, friendliness, warmth, tenderness, or love—that whole range of non-ill will. Apathy is a kind of ill will; there’s a bit of turning away there. So once we’ve set aside that range from apathy through aggression, this whole other range from tranquil abiding together to friendliness, love, and tenderness is what we’re describing when we say Goodwill.
It’s helpful to know that Goodwill is not ill will, but it’s also not sentimentality or wishful thinking. I think we’ve all had experiences where we got overly optimistic about somebody. “Oh, he did that one hurtful thing, but I’m sure he didn’t mean it. He probably won’t do it again.” Well, maybe not. Goodwill doesn’t mean turning off our judgment or our discernment about what kinds of behaviors are likely to come from the people we’re interacting with. It doesn’t mean exposing ourselves to harm. It’s also not attachment. There’s a difference between “may you be well” and “I can’t stand it if you’re not well.” The quality that keeps Goodwill from collapsing into attachment is equanimity, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about later in this course.
The heart that is aligned with Goodwill has good will for oneself and for others. Caring for oneself means having appropriate boundaries, and caring for others means the door is open for compassion to arise at the right time. But this basic attitude of Goodwill is not really all that different, qualitatively speaking, from mindfulness. The friendships that are most important to you—maybe this is the case for you, it’s certainly the case for me—are the ones who bring a quality of deep listening to our interactions. They ask, “How are you?” in a way that lets me know that they’ll still be listening when I’m done telling them. That’s a really precious gift, isn’t it? To be received like that. And that’s what we’re cultivating in our mindfulness practice. We’re cultivating becoming able to show up for ourselves whether what’s happening is pleasant, unpleasant, or not very interesting. There’s a kindness implicit in a mindfulness practice just because there’s that quality of interest, that receptivity to the present moment’s experience.
Sometimes people can get to thinking that mindfulness practice is very distinct from the cultivation of Metta, and it doesn’t have to be that way. I think it’s Ajahn Brahm5, the Theravada monastic in Australia, who likes to use the word “kindfulness” to translate Sati, emphasizing that attention is a form of love. If we lose sight of that, there is the potential for our mindfulness practice to start to feel more analytical, and that’s not so useful. It’s most useful to have this sense of heartfulness as well as mindfulness, just bringing a caring attention to this moment. In that way, our practice of Metta can support the natural warmth of our mindfulness practice. In this practice, we’re just making more explicit the way in which all of our meditation practices are, in a sense, befriending our own experience.
How does goodwill arise? You can’t turn it on like a light switch. If you figure out how to do that, let me know, because that would be awesome. But what we can do is influence the conditions that lead to its arising. We can set the intention for Goodwill as long as mindfulness and wisdom are present. It’s said that the proximate cause of goodwill is seeing the goodness in someone. And there’s always goodness, or at least the potential for goodness, in even the most harmful person. So there are always grounds for Goodwill. When we turn our attention towards what’s good about someone, it makes it easier for Goodwill to arise on its own. That act of turning the attention towards the good also helps to counteract the hindrance of ill will, which can give us tunnel vision around what’s problematic, what’s threatening, what’s unlovely. Once there’s a bit of ill will, whether that’s hostility or fear, in the mind, it’s as if it’s self-reinforcing. We start to become only able to see what’s unappealing or problematic or threatening. So deliberately asking ourselves, “What else is true?” and broadening the scope to include what’s good opens up the possibility for Goodwill arising.
In this practice, we’re going to settle into a formal meditation posture for somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes. When we’re doing mindfulness practice or Vipassanā6 practice, sometimes it’s actually helpful for the body to be a bit uncomfortable; it keeps you awake, if nothing else. When you’re doing a practice like Metta, it’s really helpful to be extra comfy. So just check in with the body. See if the posture you’re in right now is a fit. If you’re really sleepy, you might want to try standing up. If there’s agitation in the mind or pain in the body, you might want to try lying down. If a seated posture is okay for you, just make sure you have all the props you need so that the body can be as comfy as possible.
Find that balance of uprightness and relaxation, alertness and ease. Noticing the body’s weight being supported by the Earth. Gravity is the Earth’s way of letting you know it’s glad that you’re here. It’s happy to have you around. Even before we’ve started, the Earth is already offering us support, steadiness.
Sensing the body, the uprightness of the spine. Maybe taking a couple of deeper breaths, noticing the range of motion of the ribs and the belly. And letting the breath be natural, letting it breathe itself.
Bring to mind whatever being came to mind for you when I was listing off those options a few minutes ago. Some individual from your life who you have an easy relationship with, someone who inspires you, an archetypal being, a good dog, or sensing yourself in a place in nature where you can feel supported.
If you’ve chosen a being, imagine them in front of you, smiling at you. Notice what that brings up in the heart. Maybe there’s a sense of tenderness or connection. Maybe there are feelings of embarrassment or unworthiness. Just let those be there, kind of off to the side, and keep on connecting with this being. Maybe it’s a visual image or a felt sense of this loving being. Because their heart is so vast, obviously what they have for you is love. You can imagine them just kind of beaming it at you like rays of light. Your job right now is just to bask in it, like a kitten in a sunbeam.
They’re wishing you well in your body, heart, and mind. Letting that love in. There are no strings attached, nothing you need to do to earn it. Just this vast, caring heart wishing you well. Perhaps this is a wordless sense of caring that they’re offering you, or perhaps there are some phrases attached. The Metta phrases that I like to use are: May you be happy and peaceful. May you be healthy and well. May you be safe. May you live with ease.
I’m imagining my dear person sending those phrases to me while she’s sitting in front of me smiling. As I say that right now, I’m kind of sensing it as just a warm radiance descending over me. I’m smiling because it feels really good. Maybe they’re addressing you by name, or maybe they’re using a pet name for you. “My dear, may you be happy and peaceful. May you be healthy and well. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
You could see what it’s like, still imagining this dear being in front of you, sensing their presence as you wish well to yourself. May I be happy and peaceful. May I be healthy and well. May I be safe. May I live with ease. Noticing if there’s any feeling of, “Oh, is this allowed?” Yes, it’s allowed. It’s a good thing to align the heart completely with its genuine caring for your well-being.
Then see what it’s like to send this Goodwill back to this dear person, this dear being. “My dear one, may you be happy and peaceful. May you be healthy and well. May you be safe. May you live with ease.” Noticing how the heart feels right now.
You could imagine the two of you standing together, as if you’re looking at both of you. “May we both be happy and peaceful. May we both be healthy and well. May we be safe. May we live with ease.” Notice what the heart feels like when you’re directing Goodwill at yourself as well as at the benefactor.
Perhaps imagine going back to yourself sitting here and your dear one in front of you, and inviting more people who’ve cared for you in ways big and small to join that dear one. All of these people standing in front of you, beaming kindness at you, beaming love at you, wishing for your well-being. Colleagues who’ve helped you, relatives you might have your ups and downs with but you know they have your back. All of these people loving you as best they can.
Go back to just taking it all in, soaking it up like a sponge. All the forms of caring that have been offered to you, even just today. As more people who’ve cared for you in ways big and small come to mind, just invite them to join this crowd of well-wishers. It’s okay if this crowd gets unfeasibly large. It’s okay if it feels like it’s mostly people you’ve had pretty light interactions with. It’s okay if it’s all good dogs. That’s fine too. We’re just opening up to perceive care when it’s available. Our lives are sustained by networks of care, and it’s really helpful to turn towards that.
This heart that feels well-nourished by the natural world, by your close relationships, by the people who’ve helped you in ways you might not even see—the heart that feels nourished and supported like that has an easy time overflowing into Goodwill broadly based.
Perhaps still sensing your benefactor beside you, enjoying their presence as you invite the heart to extend Goodwill to the people who are on this call right now. All of these people came together to support your practice. May they all be well. Notice if it feels good to extend that wish of caring. The people watching this video at home, they’re supporting you too. May they be well.
As you’re extending good wishes out like this, might it be possible to also receive them from the other people on this call? Allowing yourself to be cared for even as you’re extending this Goodwill.
Sensing your benefactor’s presence by your side again, and extending this goodwill to the people who are near you. May all the beings in my household be well. May all the beings in my building be well. May all the beings in my neighborhood be well. Inviting the heart to grow larger and larger, supported by the presence of your benefactor. Wishing well to everyone in your city, in your region, in your country, perhaps to everyone in the whole world. Near and far, known and unknown, big and small and medium-sized. Those living now and future generations. May everyone everywhere be happy and peaceful, healthy and well. May they be safe. May they live with ease.
Then when you’re ready, letting go of this sense of your benefactor near you and coming back into the group together. Thank you for joining me in that practice.
I’d just like to pause and see if there are questions or comments about how that practice was for you or about anything I shared. You’re welcome to type your question into the chat, and if you’re okay with being recorded, you can also just unmute and speak into the group.
While you’re thinking, maybe I’ll just share a poem. It’s called “God Says Yes to Me” by Kaylin Haught.
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly what you want to do
Thanks God I said
and is it even okay if I don’t paragraph my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
What I like about that poem is the way it captures the quality of Metta that holds what is with an attitude of “yes.”
Question: Can you comment on picking a benefactor who has died?
Answer: Traditionally, it’s taught not to do that, I guess because you’re relating to an idealized version of them. The other thing is, if it’s somebody in your life who’s died, it could be strengthening a sense of attachment or loss. For me, the real test of a particular technique is what effect it actually has on the heart. If you pick a benefactor who’s died and you notice, “Wow, this is stirring up a lot of grief,” then that might be something you want to make space for outside of the formal practice of Metta. For the purpose of inclining the heart to this simple goodwill, maybe try somebody different. Whereas if you try somebody who’s died and you find, “Yeah, this helps me to feel supported and connected,” great, keep doing that.
Question: Is consistency in using the same benefactor important to building this practice, or can we be playful with different benefactors?
Answer: It’s important to look at what your circumstances are and what you’re trying to encourage in the mind. If you’re trying to use Metta as a concentration practice on retreat, for example, it can be helpful to be quite simple and have one benefactor that you stay with for a long time and build up a kind of momentum. If you’re doing a short period of Metta in everyday life, it can enliven the heart to do the practice of bringing in a whole crowd of different benefactors. If you’re trying to get a real sense of the vividness of Metta or the different flavors it can take, working with different individuals in quicker succession can help. The downside can be that the mind can get stirred up with stories attached to each person. We really do have to learn to be our own teachers and see what effect the choice is having on our mind right now.
Question: How important are the phrases? I found myself getting caught up in remembering them.
Answer: The phrases are 100% just a skillful means. If you grew up speaking a language other than English, some people like to come up with phrases in their native tongue. Sometimes it’s helpful to have just a single word that you drop in, like “happy,” to incline the mind in that direction. I find complete phrases are helpful when the mind is starting out quite chatty; it gives the mental activity something to merge with. But if the mind is already quiet, a complicated phrase would just stir things up. The way the Buddha originally taught the practice of the Brahma Viharas was as a completely wordless radiation, the sense of the heart that expands in all directions. This scaffolding of using individuals and phrases is a later development to help people find their way to that sense of just abiding in this boundless heart. If a wordless abiding is more welcoming for you, that’s great.
Dāna: A Pāli word that means “generosity” or “giving.” In the Buddhist tradition, it is the practice of cultivating generosity, and teachings are often offered freely on a Dana basis. ↩
Brahmavihāras: A series of four Buddhist virtues and the meditation practices made to cultivate them. They are also known as the four immeasurables. The four virtues are loving-kindness (mettā), compassion (karuṇā), sympathetic joy (muditā), and equanimity (upekkhā). ↩
Mettā: A Pāli word meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, goodwill, and active interest in others. It is the first of the four Brahmavihāras. ↩
Ramana Maharshi: A renowned Indian Hindu sage. The transcript said “Ram Mahari,” which has been corrected. ↩
Ajahn Brahm: A British-Australian Theravāda Buddhist monk. The transcript said “aan brah aan braho,” which has been corrected. ↩
Vipassanā: A Pāli word that means “insight” into the true nature of reality. It is a traditional Buddhist meditation practice. ↩