This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Perfect with Room for Improvement; Insight (5) Transformation. It likely contains inaccuracies.
The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, California. Please visit website www.audiodharma.org to find the authoritative record of this talk.
Good morning or good day, and welcome to this period of time that we’re going to explore. We’re exploring insight for insight meditation.
When I practiced at the San Francisco Zen Center, there was a quote from the founder, Suzuki Roshi, that went something like this: “You’re perfect just the way you are, and there’s room for improvement.”
Maybe I would say we’re perfect just the way we are, but there’s a possibility of further growth, further transformation. This emphasis on being perfect goes along with how in the modern mindfulness movement, there has been a big emphasis on mindfulness being non-judgmental awareness, where mindfulness is practiced with a kind of radical acceptance of how we are. That’s true up to a point, or in a particular way. It’s true that this radical acceptance and non-judgmental awareness means we don’t condemn anything or resist anything, but we also see clearly—that’s the insight piece. We see where there can be improvement. We see where we have tendencies, thoughts, impulses, and actions that are not in harmony with a deep settledness, a deep freedom, a deep integrity that is possible to live with.
We are looking, in fact, to no longer live acting on impulses of greed, hatred, and delusion. We are looking to grow our capacity for wisdom, for peace, for joy, for love—wonderful capacities that we can develop. And if we have the opposite of that, we want to somehow see it clearly. We want to see that we have attachments clearly. So this radical acceptance or non-judgmental awareness is not meant to be an alternative to a realism about what we want to address, what we’d like to change, what we’d like to transform.
Part of the art of insight is to have clear seeing of our foibles, clear seeing of where it is that we could change, and to want to change, to be available to that change, to prepare ourselves for that change, partly by seeing more and more clearly what’s actually going on for us. Not pretending otherwise, not having some kind of simplistic or naive acceptance, a naive non-judgmentalism that doesn’t see, “Oh, this is not so healthy what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, what’s going on.” Let’s see it more clearly. Let’s see if we can have some better understanding of it and a better relationship to it.
But the art of this as insight practice is to see where we have foibles, see where we have possibilities for growth, see what we’d like to transform and to change and to shed—to do all that without it being a reference to judging ourselves, without a reference of being critical or upset or discouraged with ourselves. The radical acceptance and non-judgmentalism is not that we don’t see that we have foibles; there’s an evaluation, a clear seeing, but we don’t use that information as data or evidence or reason to then build up stories that we’re wrong or bad, or the world is bad, or it’s hopeless. We don’t add on to it.
Just very simply: look at that, I have anger. This anger is not so useful; anger has hostility in it. Let’s look at it clearly. Let’s not run away, let’s not push it away, let’s not justify it. Let’s just see it. This is something that we want to grow. I’m perfect just the way I am, but here’s an area for improvement. So part of the foundation of insight is this ability to see clearly what we would like to see changed and transformed.
Assume a meditation posture and take some time to come into the posture, to have an intimacy with your posture, maybe swaying back and forth, forward and back, in a way that you’re looking for a sense of beautiful alertness, a beautiful sense that the body is going to be present here, where the sense of awareness arises out of the body, out of the sensations of the body. Not leaving the body to be somehow offline in meditation, but to have an intentional posture. Even lying down, it’s possible to add some intentionality to it, maybe simply by how you position your hands or your arms.
And then gently closing the eyes and preparing yourself to be aware, to be present for yourself with care, with kindness, without judging yourself as good or bad, but as bringing awareness as a kind of medicine, a kind of self-care, a kind of generosity of goodness to attend to our inner life.
That can begin by taking a few long, deep breaths, relaxing on the exhale.
Letting the breathing return to normal, and with a normal breath, continue to soften and relax in the body, feeling the body and relaxing the body gracefully, beautifully.
And as you exhale, to relax the thinking muscle, the thinking mind, softening.
Having settled a bit here and now, check in with yourself. How are you?
Is there anything about how you are right now that maybe is not so useful for you or helpful for you in some deep way? Something you’re thinking about, some mood, some attitude? And if there is, let it be without judgment of being good or bad, but as something that would be good to transform, to change, to shed, to leave behind.
We begin that process not by trying to do that, but rather to see, be aware, know, feel this part of ourselves in a beautiful way, in a graceful way, giving it breathing room to be itself without participating in it. An honest self-awareness, maybe of some way that you are that doesn’t serve you, doesn’t serve the best of you.
And then in the middle of that, breathe with it, breathe through it, as if breathing brings care and kindness, brings a calming force.
Having done that for a short while, now settle in with your breathing. Settle in, steady yourself. Maybe spend a few minutes here with the samadhi1 of breathing, just breathing.
If your mind wanders off in thought, maybe that represents a movement of mind that doesn’t really serve meditation; it’s not about being here and now. Hold the distracted mind kindly, beautifully, openly, and have the desire to bring the mind back, to change the circumstances of the mind, to let go of the distractions and begin again here and now with your breathing.
As we come to the end of this sitting, take a few moments to feel any way in which you’re more settled or calm sitting here in meditation than you were at the beginning.
And if you are, is there some way that your calm and settled state can guide you, show you how to be aware of your inner foibles, your inner challenges that you would like to transform or to shed? But first, to learn how to hold them calmly, with a settled mind and settled heart, being aware without any impulse to try to change them or get rid of them or judge them. Just first to see them and to know spaciously, quietly, calmly, “Yes, this is something that would be good to change, and first let me be with it as it is.”
And is there anything about how you might be calmer and more settled, maybe clearer with your mindfulness, that teaches you some way you would like to be in the world with other people? To meet them with calmness, with settledness, to meet them with care and clarity, so that you can be friendly or caring, so that you can have space to be well-wishing for them. You have the time to gaze upon others with goodwill.
May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free.
And may each of us live our lives to contribute to that possibility. Thank you.
Welcome to this fifth talk that introduces the topic of insight. Today, I would like to emphasize that the classic teachings on insight meditation are offered for a purpose. To say it differently, insight meditation is designed for a particular purpose—maybe you can say many purposes—but the purpose is to instigate a certain degree of change and transformation within us.
The most classic Buddhist purpose is to become free of suffering, to become free of attachments and clinging. It’s a remarkable goal in how thoroughly it changes the foundational operating system of a human being. It’s amazing that this is possible and that people experience this. Other people will see it as more modest goals or purposes: to live without stress is a common thing these days—mindfulness is offered as stress reduction—to understand oneself better, to be more self-accepting, to get settled enough and see clearly enough to be able to see the world with eyes of love and kindness. There are many, many purposes people can have, but the purpose is to have some transformation and change.
So part of practicing insight meditation is to have some sense of what purpose you have for it. Do you have a vision for how you’d like to change, how you’d like to be different? Do you have a sense of why you’re doing this practice? It’s not necessary to have that. There was a period of time when I practiced that I didn’t know why I practiced; I just knew that I was doing it. But sooner or later, as an insight practice, one of the foundational elements of it is to have a directionality, a purpose, some motivation for doing it that’s more than just being present in a clear, full way. It’s to have a transformation.
It’s meant to be a natural motivation, a natural inclination, this desire to change. It’s no different than if you have a thorn in your finger that you would maybe want to pull it out. If you have a thorn in the mind, it’s natural to want to pull it out if possible. To see this as a natural thing, having some desire to change, some desire to take out a thorn, does not mean that we’re caught in attachments, that we’re caught in desires, that we’re doing an un-Buddhist thing where we are not supposed to have any desire, just to be with what is in a naive way. No, the purpose of being present for the way things are, to be with things as they are, is to serve a larger purpose, and the purpose is to become free—free of attachments, free of stress, free of a distracted mind, an agitated mind.
So each person will have a different purpose, but it does involve knowing ourselves well enough to recognize that there’s something here that we want to change and transform. And it doesn’t take a lot of self-awareness to appreciate that we have some foibles, we have some things that we’re not necessarily proud of or not necessarily so happy about because it’s not healthy or it’s actually harmful. Maybe it’s not dramatically harmful, but while it’s happening, it’s actually kind of a drag that it’s going on, or it doesn’t feel like we’re in full integrity.
One of the descriptions of what happens in meditation practice can be described in an analogy. Say that you’re driving a car—maybe it’s a Jeep or something—across a really bumpy dirt road. It’s difficult to go because it’s bumping a lot, and you’re shaking the car and bumping. You try to drive slow enough, but it’s still jarring to go up and down. It’s hard to do. At some point, you figure out a little bit of a solution: you get a really soft cushion to sit on, and that makes it a little easier, but it hasn’t changed how much the car is jarring and bouncing around. But then, lo and behold, you come to a paved asphalt road that’s completely flat and smooth, maybe newly paved, and it goes, “Ah, it’s so good to be off the all the bumpy dirt road.” But then you notice something that you hadn’t noticed before: there’s something a little bit wobbly about the axle of the car. In fact, every turn of the wheel, there’s a little jar, a little bump, a little knock that goes on. It doesn’t seem so good for the car, doesn’t seem so safe. But you wouldn’t have known that that little knock and little hiccup of the axle was there as long as you were on the road that had all the bumps. You needed to be off it to see it. And then maybe you fix the axle, and then you go back onto that dirt road, and it turns out now the dirt road isn’t so bad; some of the difficulty you had was because of the wonky axle.
In this analogy, as we live our busy, active life with a lot of thoughts, a lot of concerns and preoccupations, it’s difficult to see the axles we have that are wonky, the ways that we are a little bit off. So the purpose of samadhi and mindfulness meditation is to calm down, get quieter. And as we do that, we start discovering what we didn’t see before: that something is not quite aligned, something’s not quite right. And then maybe we settle that, we get the axle fixed. And it isn’t just a one-time thing. Then we get quieter still, more focused, and then we see there’s another area where we’re now quiet enough, still enough, to notice another axle that’s a little wonky. So it could be progressively, the process of deepening in insight, deepening in samadhi, reveals deeper and deeper areas of attachment, of clinging that we have. And this is not bad news; this is actually good news, because we can only free ourselves or transform what we know and see.
So to the degree to which practicing mindfulness brings “bad news” in that we see ourselves more clearly, we should really learn to see that as good news. “Ah, good, I see it now. This is what I have to include in my practice. I don’t want to go back onto the really bumpy road so I don’t even see what’s going on deeply inside of me. I want to really practice with this the best I can.”
Part of doing insight meditation is to have some sense of purpose that supports you to go really deeply in the practice, to be able to address and meet all the ways that your inner life is challenging or challenged. And to be able to then hold it in a good way, in a beneficial way. One of the ways is to be able to be with it in a relaxed, spacious way, where you don’t see that having an inner foible is a crime, or having some kind of anger or attachment or clinging or strong desires makes you a wrong person. This is what human beings do. What’s really healthy is to see it and know it. It’s really healthy then to hold it in a spacious way and not use it as a dart to criticize oneself, to judge oneself for what the mind is doing or producing. And then to have a desire for change, to be motivated for that change, and most importantly, to be willing to change, to kind of be open and prepared to not hold on to the most cherished attachments, most cherished ways of being, most cherished ideas of comfort.
So the purpose of insight is transformation, is changing, freeing aspects of ourselves that we feel are not so useful to have, not helpful, that bring suffering to us, bring distress to us, bring debilitating emotional pain to us of some sort. And in the process of that transformation, we also want to recognize not just what we would like to change because we want to get rid of it, but we also want to recognize our potential, the capacity, the seeds inside of us for healthy states of heart and mind: for our goodness, our capacity for kindness and joy, capacity for happiness and peace, the capacity for resolve and truth and integrity. There’s a lot of goodness that can be developed through insight.
So sometimes the insight practice reveals areas that we want to shed. Sometimes insight practice reveals the areas that we want to grow. Mindfulness is a remarkable practice. Attention, clearly seeing, is kind of like a light that, if it shines on what’s healthy, it grows. If it shines on what is not healthy within us, it tends to take its nutrient away. The nutrient comes in the darkness when we have the hindrances; we don’t see what’s going on and how we’re feeding the hindrances. But when we have light, we stop feeding them, and they fade away. If we see in the darkness, we don’t see our goodness, but in the light, we can see it, and the more we see it, it tends to grow.
So this is the two-fold transformation that insight instigates or supports: fading away what doesn’t serve and bringing forth more of what does serve, without it being so intentional or an engineering project. A lot of it has to do with seeing clearly and appreciating the intention for a transformation, appreciating a possibility to change, to improve. And to quote again Suzuki Roshi, the founder of San Francisco Zen Center, one wonderful attitude to have for all this is the idea that you’re perfect just the way you are, but there’s room for improvement. And part of the practice is to allow for that improvement of ourselves.
With that, we’ve offered you some foundational aspects of insight meditation practice and how it works. Next week, we’ll start getting into it, where there’s a more direct introduction to five different forms of insight, domains of insight that come into play as we practice. And it’s useful to see these different areas so that you can see more clearly what’s happening. So thank you, and I look forward to continuing.
Samadhi: A Pali word for a state of meditative concentration or collectedness of mind. It is a state of deep calm and stability. ↩